Tuesday, May 25, 2010


It might have been only in her dreams that such a place existed. The darkness and the light entwined to form a perfect combination of a lingering past. Sitting still in the silence with the muffled sounds of a ticking clock and the running water of a distant tap, images come alive before her eyes as if she had just lived them yesterday.

Remember the sharp sting of the cold as we got out of the car. Puddles of water lay before our eyes as the freezing rain fell still at our feet. But we chose not to care about how soaked through we were going to get or how we would look like drowned rats by the time we got back, you ran and jumped in a pool of mud and water, and we laughed like this was a daily occurrence. It was a rain party as you called it, in the freezing November air.

Remember the trips we took with no ending destination, you told me about your hopes and dreams and fears and we pondered the questions and the what ifs on those endless nights. I can still hear our voices blending together as we sang at the top of our lungs to all the songs we loved, and let the overwhelming feeling of what it means to feel alive overtake us.

But what I remember the most she said, was the spontaneity and the intuition we shared. People called us crazy, and rolled their eyes, but what do they know?

A piece of my heart will always belong to you, my home away from home, love you till the end.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Summer Playlist

Dashboard Confessional
Rooftop and Invitations
Dusk and Summer
Hands Down
So Impossible
Hey Girl

The Ataris
So long, Astoria
Takeoffs and Landings
In This Diary
Summer '79
The Boys of Summer

The Promise
Day Late Friend
Time and Confusion

Boys Like Girls
The Great Escape
Heels Over Head
Love Drunk
Two is Better Than One

The Click Five
Angel to You, Devil to Me
Good Day
All I Need Is You

Forever the Sickest Kids
She's A Lady
Hey Brittany

Gavin DeGraw
Follow Though
In Love With a Girl

Goo Goo Dolls
Let Love In

Good Charlotte
I Don't Want to be in Love
The Anthem
Girls and Boys

Jack's Mannequin
Dark Blue
Into the Airwaves
La La Lie
Holiday from Real
I'm Ready
The Mixed Tape

Hanging by a Moment
You and Me
First Time
Whatever It Takes

See you again
7 Things I Hate About You
Party in the USA
Fly on the Wall

Motion City Soundtrack

New Found Glory
It's Not Your Fault
Hold My Hand
Kiss Me
Make Your Move

Panic! at the Disco
Pretty. Odd.

Misery Business
That's What You Get
Born For This

Plain White T's
Hey There Delilah
Our Time Now

The Pussycat Dolls
When I Grow Up
Stick With You
I Hate This Part
Jai Ho
Don't Cha

Relient K
Pressing On
Getting Into You
Be My Escape
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

The Rocket Summer
So Much Love
Brat Pack

Something Corporate
I Wanna Save You
I Woke Up in a Car
If U C Jordan
As You Sleep
Me and the Moon
She Paints Me Blue
21 and Invincible

Love Story
You Belong With Me
Our Song
Jump The Fall
Tim McGraw

Bubble - Colbie Caillat
Here in your arms - HelloGoodbye
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Justin Bieber LOL
Hey Juliet - LMNT
The Difference - Matchbox 20
Everywhere - Michelle Branch
California - Phantom Planet
Make You Smile - Plus 44
Nothing Better - The Postal Service
Five Hundred Miles - The Proclaimers
Time After Time - Quietdrive
Love Song - Sarah Bareilles
Check Yes Juliet - We the Kings
Candle (Sick and Tired) - The White Tie Affair
Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
Slideshow - This Day and Age

I think maybe, it might be time to go home

Life is always full of surprises isn't it? Just when you thought you had everything figured out, it throws you a curveball. And there you are, knowing your standing on the precipice of a change, but do you stand your ground to face it head on or do you dodge it, hoping whatever it was will just pass on by?

I miss late night talks that last into the early stretches of the dawn, I miss being able to pour my heart out and say whatever is on my mind, I miss the laughs and the smiles, I miss the feeling of knowing I don't have to say anything to be understood, I miss being able to sing at the top of my lungs with not a worry on my mind, and I miss the feeling of summer.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I think it was around the same time last year that I decided to start my blog. Look how far we've come in only a year. I'm still a little bit in denial that in 4 days I will be almost half way done with college. It's scary and exciting and nerve wracking all meshed together, I'm unsure what I should be feeling for that right now.

I am excited for the summer to start though, so many things going on and I can't wait for them to all happen. *insert long spiel about how excited I am about everything*

off to tumblr because that's where I can be a little more spontaneous.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Most Ardently

It was not in her nature to boast about her affections, as it was not in his to comply with the social norm of curiosity and wonder. He was, by all means, a sensible man. And as all sensible men do, he could all but explicitly state what it was that had tugged at his heartstrings from his first encounter with her. His pride, nay, his subconsciousness had instilled a mental block upon the rest of his body, so as she silently sat there observing the room, he could do nothing more than to stare most potently in her direction in such an omnipresent way as to draw the attention of neighboring guests around him. As for her, earlier exertions on the dance floor had quite depleted her energies as to not give notice to her immediate surroundings. A faint whisper and slight cough caught her attention as her surrounding background understood exactly what was happening in their little corner on this lovely evening. With a frustrated sigh, she pushed herself up from her resting place and made for the garden. Her pride would not be wounded by their indecency towards her emotions, if at all, she would only prove their mistake.

Writing like Jane Austen?
still got it ;)

Monday, March 15, 2010

What's the word that's burning in your heart?

Suffice it to say today sucked. Big time. And I don't care if I make a scene and everyone within a mile radius can hear what I am saying, restraining my passion and rage only makes it ten times worse so better to let it all out then to let it simmer and boil over at the wrong time.

My efforts to please everyone around me sometimes leads to decisions I resent making, and sometimes it leads me into situations I don't want to be in. Faced with the situation I would rather run as far away as my body will allow then to have to sit and live it all out. But responsibility wins out in the end, and I am back where I started, sitting there waiting for a break, for a small chance that maybe something can be mentioned in order to make everything alright again.

I'm not mad at you because I don't appreciate the efforts you have put in, I'm mad at you because the way the conflict was bought up was immature and undignified. It was an attack that no one saw coming, like a conspiracy theory planned out beforehand you came into it waving your sword and daring anyone who had the courage to defy you to step forward. I am not saying what you want is wrong or undeserving, but in that moment I lost some respect for you. And as much as it pains me to say this and as much as I don't want to admit it, in that moment what I thought of you diminished in my eyes, and that is something I never want to happen to people in my life. So am I wrong to always think the best of people? Innocent until proven guilty right?

I hope you can prove me wrong soon. I really hope so.

Monday, March 8, 2010

whatdafux. blogger why are you failing me in my time of need.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I hope you already know

I want you to know how much I admire you. Your courage and your strength amazes me everyday, no matter how many curve balls and unmarked paths life has thrown in your away, your still able to find life worthwhile. Your still able to smile and laugh, and face life with a renewed passion for everything it has to offer.

I want you to know I never meant those things I said. A tragic flaw and also a hint of immaturity, my impulsiveness lead me to regret words that should have never found life.

I want you to know that you have taught me so much. About myself, and also about life. You have so much faith in me, of the woman you know I can become. And even though I am scared to death, I know you will always have my back and catch me when I fall.

I want you to know that sometimes I want to stop the clock from ticking, and just sit a while with you. I miss our time spent together,  and as I sit here writing this I am berating myself for wasting away the time we did have together.

But most of all, I want you to know of how much I love you. Even though I may not show it everyday, please know in your heart I love you with my entire being. My love is filled with raw emotion and passion and it knows no bounds. I may have to keep it in check at times, but my entire life revolves around this love, and I hope someday I can show you all the wondrous joys it can bring.


Monday, March 1, 2010

Remember me?

Sometimes I feel like I will never end up with my happy ending because I am always helping others find theirs.

But if helping to make others happy in turn makes me happy shouldn't it be the same thing?

No, its not.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Count to 10, take it in

There's a strange comfort in being alone, just another face in the crowd that people don't stop twice to think who you are, where you came from, why is it you are there in the first place.

I've been having a hard time breathing lately, especially today.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Smile if your heart is achy

This blog post has been a little long in creation, but its existence to be written has been inevitable for about almost a month. I guess I was just in a state of denial to want to realize it because by doing so it would make it real, but I will have to face it nonetheless, so here goes...

I found out a most grievous piece of news almost a month ago through a rather subtle but serious message related to me from a very close person who holds a dear piece of my heart. It is no surprise that after I found out I couldn't help but freak out, cry, break down, and altogether stress out about everything that was going on. A close friend comforted me that night, held me as I tried to hold back the tears, and told me that everything was going to be ok. After that night I told myself that I was allowed that one break down, but from then on I needed to be strong, for myself but also for someone else.

I've come to dread nights, too many thoughts and ideas float around in the infinite darkness and sometimes it can be too much that I feel like I'm drowning. At least during the day I have other things to occupy my mind, but at night as I'm lying in bed the endless thoughts that I try so hard to suppress and deny threaten to engulf and swallow me whole.

I guess I'm just trying to find an escape, a breath of relief if you want to call it. Maybe I'm trying to find a way to stop time, something to make everything stay the way it is right now, keeping the status quo, have nothing change until I'm ready. But life doesn't work that way, and all you can do is take it one step , one day at a time.

"Lying in my bed. I hear the clock tick. I think of you...if you fall. I will catch you. Time after time."

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

alsjlsafjalsfaosg. yea. prettymuch.

Frustrated. Needing a place to vent. Some times I wish I could pour my heart and soul into you dear blogger. Tell you my deepest fears and darkest secrets. But alas such freedom will not do, conscious that what ever I blog about is still posted into the endless void that is called the internet, no you will not know everything that is going on through my mind. But rather sit and listen as I vent about how much I wish I could tell you.

I don't need you to understand and I don't expect you to, sometimes its better to just listen. Let me speak my mind and let the jumble of thoughts spill out and let the knot that has been building up in my chest loosen just an inch.

I miss so much <3

17 days.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

a few of my favorite things

Things I am in love with today:

1. Waking up to Michael Buble
2. Trying so very hard to keep a straight face in class
3. Dhall pow wows
4. Unexpected surprises
5. Time to myself (even if it is for a couple of minutes everyday)



1.a person who dreams.
2.a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.
3.a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.

my personal favorite:

to believe in the impossible.

sounds simple right?

Friday, February 5, 2010

a mess of things

Dear friend,

How precious every little second is, and how much I wish I could reclaim what we've missed in the past. Maybe there was something in your smile that captured my heart, or the way you saw life: fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams all bundled up into that first encounter with you. You taught me how to love life for what it is, and now I can see beauty, true beauty that which can only be appreciated with the sincerest and most genuine of hearts. So simple in its conception, but how difficult it is for some to imagine. Simplicity at its best, a single snowflake as it falls from the sky, a flower just about to bloom, a song with a distant melody heard through the crowd, a smile, and silence. Pure silence that rings with laughter and a song, singing along to your favorite song which warms your heart and inspires the muse within you to create your own art.

Love is a strange concept is it not? Poets, writers, and musicians have wasted away trying to find an answer for the whirl of emotions one word can bring. "Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love." Will you call me crazy for saying that every day I believe in this more and more? Or will you embrace all that the world has to offer and open up your heart towards this four letter word.

Passion, love, inspiration, and beauty. There are not enough words to describe how I see life. So I will leave it at this. Maybe one day you will hear me singing and truly understand.