Friday, February 26, 2010

Count to 10, take it in

There's a strange comfort in being alone, just another face in the crowd that people don't stop twice to think who you are, where you came from, why is it you are there in the first place.

I've been having a hard time breathing lately, especially today.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Smile if your heart is achy

This blog post has been a little long in creation, but its existence to be written has been inevitable for about almost a month. I guess I was just in a state of denial to want to realize it because by doing so it would make it real, but I will have to face it nonetheless, so here goes...

I found out a most grievous piece of news almost a month ago through a rather subtle but serious message related to me from a very close person who holds a dear piece of my heart. It is no surprise that after I found out I couldn't help but freak out, cry, break down, and altogether stress out about everything that was going on. A close friend comforted me that night, held me as I tried to hold back the tears, and told me that everything was going to be ok. After that night I told myself that I was allowed that one break down, but from then on I needed to be strong, for myself but also for someone else.

I've come to dread nights, too many thoughts and ideas float around in the infinite darkness and sometimes it can be too much that I feel like I'm drowning. At least during the day I have other things to occupy my mind, but at night as I'm lying in bed the endless thoughts that I try so hard to suppress and deny threaten to engulf and swallow me whole.

I guess I'm just trying to find an escape, a breath of relief if you want to call it. Maybe I'm trying to find a way to stop time, something to make everything stay the way it is right now, keeping the status quo, have nothing change until I'm ready. But life doesn't work that way, and all you can do is take it one step , one day at a time.

"Lying in my bed. I hear the clock tick. I think of you...if you fall. I will catch you. Time after time."

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

alsjlsafjalsfaosg. yea. prettymuch.

Frustrated. Needing a place to vent. Some times I wish I could pour my heart and soul into you dear blogger. Tell you my deepest fears and darkest secrets. But alas such freedom will not do, conscious that what ever I blog about is still posted into the endless void that is called the internet, no you will not know everything that is going on through my mind. But rather sit and listen as I vent about how much I wish I could tell you.

I don't need you to understand and I don't expect you to, sometimes its better to just listen. Let me speak my mind and let the jumble of thoughts spill out and let the knot that has been building up in my chest loosen just an inch.

I miss so much <3

17 days.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

a few of my favorite things

Things I am in love with today:

1. Waking up to Michael Buble
2. Trying so very hard to keep a straight face in class
3. Dhall pow wows
4. Unexpected surprises
5. Time to myself (even if it is for a couple of minutes everyday)



1.a person who dreams.
2.a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic.
3.a person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.

my personal favorite:

to believe in the impossible.

sounds simple right?

Friday, February 5, 2010

a mess of things

Dear friend,

How precious every little second is, and how much I wish I could reclaim what we've missed in the past. Maybe there was something in your smile that captured my heart, or the way you saw life: fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams all bundled up into that first encounter with you. You taught me how to love life for what it is, and now I can see beauty, true beauty that which can only be appreciated with the sincerest and most genuine of hearts. So simple in its conception, but how difficult it is for some to imagine. Simplicity at its best, a single snowflake as it falls from the sky, a flower just about to bloom, a song with a distant melody heard through the crowd, a smile, and silence. Pure silence that rings with laughter and a song, singing along to your favorite song which warms your heart and inspires the muse within you to create your own art.

Love is a strange concept is it not? Poets, writers, and musicians have wasted away trying to find an answer for the whirl of emotions one word can bring. "Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love." Will you call me crazy for saying that every day I believe in this more and more? Or will you embrace all that the world has to offer and open up your heart towards this four letter word.

Passion, love, inspiration, and beauty. There are not enough words to describe how I see life. So I will leave it at this. Maybe one day you will hear me singing and truly understand.